I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
