This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
