Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
