Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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