Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
