We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
