I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
