I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
