Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
