I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
