I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
