just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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