bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
