i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we're making bets on your personal life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
