Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wear drunk well.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
