I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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