it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
