Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
