She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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