you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
