Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am spending my child support on dildos
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
