shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
