you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
