How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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