remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
