When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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