I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
