All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
