i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
