bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
