He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
