You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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