Your dad touched me again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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