you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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