she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
