well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
