I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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