Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
