I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
