sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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