Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
