Girls should come with a carfax report
it's like iHOP with fire
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How does one acquire holy water?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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