haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
