You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
