Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
