For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
