Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
