I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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