my phone needs a breathalizer
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
