Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
