You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
