it hurts more in the daytime
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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